I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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