I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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