is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
