Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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