Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
