You're my little dorito
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize