I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
