Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
