Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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