Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
