he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
