i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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