Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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