And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
