Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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