I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
