I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
