I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
