You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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