I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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