wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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