I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
