i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize