I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
