Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
