She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
