I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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