turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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