we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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