I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
