I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i already hear my dad disowning me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
