god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
