Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
