I faked an abortion last night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm like, not good at living.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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