shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
