either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
