i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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