Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
