Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
