He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
