I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
