I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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