my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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