I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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