So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
