i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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