i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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