bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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