Who did Billy Mays play for?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
