Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
