So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
