you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
