Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
