Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize