I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
