Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
