She said her name was "party"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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