just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
