Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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