I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
