At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
