The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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