Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
