Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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