Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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