I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
