remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Drake has all the answers
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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