new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
