so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize