she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize